When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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