I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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