why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Randomize
