EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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