Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
