I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
