I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can you bring me the toilet please
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
