just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
