I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
