Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
