I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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