If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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