I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
