I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
they need to just BURY HIM!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
