Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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