It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
