What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
