Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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