if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
