I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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