I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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