finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
