if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
