I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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