I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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