Nicole vs. Life
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
