the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The beer is more important than you right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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