Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
