dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
