Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Where is the hickey?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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