So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
