i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
