Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
not ubering you a puppy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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