I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They have beer where we have blood.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
