so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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