His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
