The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
