id be glad to
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
