her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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