Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
