Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
