I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize