k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
