If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
