Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
