Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
