My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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