I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
