You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
