Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
