Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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