24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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