I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
