My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
