So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
