Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
