I'm gonna have a badass scar
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
