Will you blow on my dice?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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