I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
