Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
