why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize