I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
