The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
