Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
is it fun? or sober?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
