Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
