ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize